Friday, September 28, 2007

Customers and Cusstermurz.

At one point in time I was a chipper phone jockey who belived in serving the greater good of my fellow man, chipper voice, a gleam in my eye and a song in my heart. Then I started taking phone calls.....

I have observed over the many years of phone jockeydom (tm pending) a complete and utter truth. There are 2 kinds of people who call in and they have 2 distinct flavors of how they affect your day.

Customers-The customer is an individual that uses your company's service(s). These intrepid individuals rely on my help to fix problems they have encountered during the use of my employer's service(s). Here are their notable traits..

-Calling in with all the neccisary information to a situation
-Listening to directions
-Common courtesy.
-Straightforward approach to presenting their problems to me in a comprehendible fashion.
-Logical thinking

Cusstermurz-An individual who uses our company's service(s) and does not follow instructions or completely dissreguards them thus causing problems for themselves and others.Their all consuming goal is to call in and try to
A) Ruin your day.
B) Con your employer out of money
C) Pick fights over the phone with people they have never met. OR
D) All of the above

Cusstermurz have the following traits:
-LACK of common courtesey
-Pretending or being deaf
-Doing exactly what you told them NOT to do
- Cussing when you tell them no
-Lying to get out of a lie
-Name calling like it is their secret weapon
-Blaming the "company" for their own ingorance.

It honestly saddens me that the Cusstermurz call in and waste my time because that takes away from the time I can be using to help Customers.Most of the time of my day I deal with Cusstermurz instead of Customers and it sucks....bad.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Pollux Strikes Back

I am back, took some time off. Actualy I am just lazy and haven't been updating. I digress, by no means does this mean I have had a lack of dumb people calling in to my line to annoy/frustrate/tee me off/make my face melt, quite the oposite actualy. For some reason the summer months signifies a rush of half-cocked jack-tards calling in and thinking they are lord of the phone and that I should bow down and be humbled by their false sense of nobility. Damn they picked the wrong guy.

1 -"Um wait I need to get something to write with."-
Ok, lets pretend you are calling someone on the phone to get important information, I dunnow lets say a PHONE NUMBER perhaps you have pen and writing utencil handy to take down said important info right. HELL NO YOU DON'T!
EVERY and I literaly mean EVERY time someone asks me for info they let me get 3/4 of the way of getting through it THEN they say "Um wait I need to get something to write with." What is sad is before I get started most of them say this line "Ok I need to write this down" then I spout off the info and THEN they say "Wait I need to get something to write with."
WHY!?!?!?!?! If you tell me you need to write something down, WHY do you have to get something to write with AFTER I give you the info. A pen, A pencil, a CRAYON for Christ sakes.. GET ONE!!!!

2."Is this how your company handles my problems?"
Yes sir/ma'm it is, and be thankfull we follow the company guidelines and not my own.
I don't know why it is when I tell someone something they don't wana hear that they have to go on some 15 minute diatrabe about how they think the company policies suck just to keep me on the phone and screw up my stats like its some sort of last act of vindication. I don't care what you think about the company I work for, I am going to follow its procedures too bad go cry in the corner while jaming twinkies down your pie-hole for all I care. If we all followed my procedures it would be company policy to have a crew fly up to your front door and shoot off fireworks while unfurling a banner that says "You Suck!" while blaring the song "2 Legit 2 Quit" by MC Hammer while we all breakdance on your front lawn.

3. "The Better Buisines Beureu is going to hear about this"