Idiot Customer Test.

Lets face it, idiots, there are a lot of them out there, when you call in to me do you want to sound like one? No of course you don't that is why I have made a test for you to take to determine if you are one and save you the time of having to get taught an abrasive verbal lesson from me.

The following is a simple multiple choice test , chose an idiot answer and you get idiot point(s) based on the severity of your ignorance, the score at the end will be based on how many idiot points you DON'T have in other words score low. If you didn't understand these rules I just mentioned you just earned 1 point.


1. You arrive at the drop off dealer for your rental, the dealer is closed. What do you do.
A) Park the truck on his lot and lock the key inside the truck
B) Call Customer Service and ask what to do.
C) Take it to a different company's dealer since they are all the same.
D) Park the truck on the dealer's lot, lock it, find a key drop box and place the key inside.

2. You are picking up your truck, the dealer hands you a contract and urges that you read it before signing. What do you do?
A) Read the contract completely thus gaining the knowledge of what you can or can not do.
B) Not read the contract and take the truck.
C) Eat the contract.
D) You are a lawyer you never have to read contracts.

3. You are in your personal vehicle driving to work, a moving truck swerves in front of you driving hazardously. What do you do?
A) Get on the phone and call the company that owns the truck, because they can send Superman out to stop this villain.
B) Call local law enforcement.
C) Use Vigilante Justice and ram him off the road thus saving other traveler's lives.
D) Get on the phone and call the company that owns the truck, full well knowing they can not get the driver off the road.

4. You are on the phone with a customer service rep, you have gone over on miles on your rental.The representative has explained and proven with evidence that you have. What do you do?
A) Lie and say took a 20 mile trip when you know you drove the truck to Las Vegas.
B) Accept the fact that you went over on miles and move on with conversation
C) Say you are a Preacher and that you didn't use those miles.
D) Say you are just going to call and get someone else.

5. You have brought back your truck late. The customer service rep has advised you there are late fees and has also proven this. What do you do?
A) Accept the fact and move on.
B) Lie and say you brought it back on the day before you even picked it up.
C) Admit it then ask us to cut the late fee in half.
D) Call us racist and demand a manager.

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Answers and points.
1 A) 5
B) 1
C) 70
D) 0

2 A) 0
B) 5
C) 90
D) 15

3. A) 25
B) 0
C) -10
D) 60
* The reason that answer "D" has more of an idiot rating than "A"
on question 3 is simple. If you are dumb enough not to know better that we don't employ Superman that makes you less dumb than the person calling who knows we can't do anything but calls us anyway, also answer "C" actually takes away idiot points because taking the law into your own hands like a vigilante is always cool.*


4. A) 25
B) 0
C) 60
D) 45
*On question 4 the answer "C" is more idiotic because it is really freaking stupid to lie in the first place let alone drag God in on the lie.*

5. A) 0
B) 100
C) 40
D) 80



Scores-----
0-10 Congratulations, you have common sense and are able to wield it proudly. Good Job, Ever thought of working in customer service?

11-60 : I have to break it to you but you are an idiot, face the facts and move on at least God is more likely to have pity on you.

60+ : There are special places in hell for lame dipsh**ts like you, you probably can't do the following

Tie your shoes
Count to 7
Tell hot from cold
Spell your own name
Write your own name
Remember your own name
Read this sentence, for that matter how did you take this test?


"Yes sir I am handing out free coupons for a punch to the face."

Black Friday: Pollux Vs the Grinch.

Black Friday is a day every retail outlet dreads, thousand of consumers flock to stores in waves to strip stores clean of merchandise much like zombies striping flesh from a fallen victim. I personally love this day because in the moving truck industry we are slow as hell. This is mostly due to the fact that all the idiots are out in stores fist fighting each other for a cheap piece of crap 40$ television that will break down next week.

I have a feeling though that there is some special moron somewhere that will call in today that will go against the grain and call us anyway.

Damn I hate being right.

Me: Thank you for calling ______ Customer Service. How may I help you?

(Note for the remainder of this call the random A-Hole will be affectionately referred to as "Grinch")

Grinch: WHAT THE HELL MAN WHERE IS MY TRUCK?!?!

Me: I am sorry your truck is not on time sir let me get our inventory manager to help us.

Grinch: LOOK HERE JERKOFF I HAVE 47 TV I HAVE JUST BOUGHT AND I NEED TO GET THEM HOME!!

Me: Wow 47 T.V. sir, you must be a generous soul, I am sure your family members are gonna be real happy this year.

Grinch: MAN SCREW MY FAMILY THESE ARE FOR ME?!?!

(Ok now note this guy has been yelling since he has called,and he is complaining about his truck being late so he can get 47 T.V that he isn't giving to anyone else, WTF?!?)

Me: *Laughing* Wow man what the hell you gonna stack them all together to get a bigger picture, couldn't have you just bought a big screen?

Grinch: WHAT?!?!?

Me: Yeah you heard me Cinnemark, I just knocked on you about your ghetto theater.

Grinch: YOU ARE A DEADMAN??!?!

Me: What you gonna do Mr. Grinch come on down here to Whoville and steal our Christmas? (at this point I hit the record button we use to have evidence on threatening customers)

Grinch: THAT'S RIGHT I AM COMING DOWN THERE WITH AN AK-47 FULL OF CHRISTMAS CHEER I AM GOING TO SHOOT RIGHT IN YOUR FACE BOY!!

Me: But sir I only wanted you to have a Merry Christmas..

(customer yells at me and threatens me for 30 minutes.)

I can't remember but the call ended with " and you have a Merry Christmas sir"

and I turned the call in for abuse and the guy is on a do not rent list now, and also is about to get a visit from the elves over at FBI. We come to find out later on in the day that the guy had actually stolen those TV's and needed to switch trucks from one moving truck company to another to evade the law. The Grinch will soon be spending his time wearing a black and white striped candy cane uniform in the state pen. Lesson kids is don't be a dumbass.

I'm not rude, I am just a more talented speaker than you.

My councilor often tells me that one of the common "rifts" between me and the people I talk to is the style of communication I have.(Yes I have a councilor.) The direct style of communication means I don't wast time I get to the point, get the facts and get done with a clam,clinical manner this style is only shared with 5% of the people in the world. The other 95% get pissy when I won't conform to their assbackward, inefficient style of conversing.


Here is an example:

Me: Thank you for calling __________ customer service may I have your reference number so I can help you today?

Inefficient Fool: Yes I didn't get my deposit.I dropped off my truck yesterday and paid with a credit card.

(note the customer did not give me any info like I asked..strike one)

Me: Well generally speaking since I don't have your information deposits take seven to 10 business days to post.

Inefficient Fool: Well they told me at the dealer 3 days...

Me: I apologize if you were misinformed but it takes seven to ten business days.

Inefficient Fool: I want a manager you are rude!!!

(And before I can transfer the customer hangs up, and no I didn't do it this time.)

Yes I am Pollux Strike, Rude Bastard and Call Center Hero.....I'm waiting.

How to put gas in a truck by Pollux Wayneright Strike, Esquire

I get calls about people who do this so often I thought I should make a helpful guide for the ignorant masses. Moving trucks usually take one of 2 different kinds of fuel Gas or Diesel

Now I get calls all the time where some ramrod puts Diesel in a gas truck and vice versa thus screwing the truck up and causing them to have to pay to fix it. Guess what I am gonna help you figure that out.

There is only one thing to remember: THERE IS A FREAKING STICKER ABOVE THE FUEL NOZZLE THAT SAYS WHAT KIND OF FUEL THE TRUCK TAKES!!!

---------------------------------
- WARNING -
- FILL WITH -
- GAS ONLY -
----------------------------------



----------------------------------
- WARNING -
- FILL WITH -
- DIESEL ONLY!!! -
---------------------------------


Now note that these are bare mock ups may not be what you might see, actually they are colored with bright yellow and red writing to make sure that you see them even though they are right above the gas cap, the bright colors are to ensure you don't miss the warning but seeing as people miss this all the time that must mean our customers are blind, we should probably make the stickers in braille.

That is about it, as long as you can read you can save yourself from putting the wrong type of fuel in a moving truck.

Happy Holliday, Dirtbags!!!

Ah, Thanksgiving, the time of year where we all get together and feast and celebrate thanks for the things in the world we do have. Uppon the week of this noble holliday most of the general populace of the United States takes it easy, even the everyday asshole usualy has a little bit brighter temper. But nooooooooo not my customers. Truck Rental customers take no rest in their stupid blind assholery no matter what time of year. I mean do these people have such shitty lives that they would rather call in and argue over the phone with a complete stranger than take the time to have fun and spend time with their families?

The answer is yes, yes they are that pathetic.

Me: Thank you for calling _____ Customer Service. How may I help you?

Idiot: Yeah my truck there was a problem with it, the brakes smoked and shook violently my family and I could have been killed.

Me: Did you call roadside assistance?

Idiot: No I had to move I did not have time to wait for them to repair.

Me: Wait, wait wait, So you are telling me that the brakes were smoking and you were affraid for you and your family's life but you still drove the truck and declined roadside assistance?

Idiot: Yes.

(I ask him the same question 3 other times to make sure that the stupidity I am hearing from him is indeed real.)

Me: Well sir since you declined roadside assistance there is nothing I can do for you.

Idiot: WHAT WE COULD HAVE DIED?!?!

Me: Well you could have made the safe choice for your family and sucked it up and waited for roadside instead of driving with a hazardous truck and endangering your family, but what to I know I am just some guy on a phone in Michigan.

Idiot: I want to talk to your manager!!!

Me: He can't man he is too busy talking to people with common sense, he won't be able to understand you.

Idiot: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?

Me: See you didn't even understand what I said just now...

Idiot: I WANT A MANAGER RIGHT NOW!!!

Me: And I want to work 8 hour days surfing the internet with no phone calls but we don't always get what we want.

*I hang up the phone*

I takes a special kind of idiot to risk his family just because he is on a timetable. I guess this thanksgiving his family will be thankfull that their ignorant husband/father didn't get them killed.


Lesson is, our customers never take hollidays they are complete tards all year around.