Friday, November 23, 2007

Idiot Customer Test.

Lets face it, idiots, there are a lot of them out there, when you call in to me do you want to sound like one? No of course you don't that is why I have made a test for you to take to determine if you are one and save you the time of having to get taught an abrasive verbal lesson from me.

The following is a simple multiple choice test , chose an idiot answer and you get idiot point(s) based on the severity of your ignorance, the score at the end will be based on how many idiot points you DON'T have in other words score low. If you didn't understand these rules I just mentioned you just earned 1 point.

1. You arrive at the drop off dealer for your rental, the dealer is closed. What do you do.
A) Park the truck on his lot and lock the key inside the truck
B) Call Customer Service and ask what to do.
C) Take it to a different company's dealer since they are all the same.
D) Park the truck on the dealer's lot, lock it, find a key drop box and place the key inside.

2. You are picking up your truck, the dealer hands you a contract and urges that you read it before signing. What do you do?
A) Read the contract completely thus gaining the knowledge of what you can or can not do.
B) Not read the contract and take the truck.
C) Eat the contract.
D) You are a lawyer you never have to read contracts.

3. You are in your personal vehicle driving to work, a moving truck swerves in front of you driving hazardously. What do you do?
A) Get on the phone and call the company that owns the truck, because they can send Superman out to stop this villain.
B) Call local law enforcement.
C) Use Vigilante Justice and ram him off the road thus saving other traveler's lives.
D) Get on the phone and call the company that owns the truck, full well knowing they can not get the driver off the road.

4. You are on the phone with a customer service rep, you have gone over on miles on your rental.The representative has explained and proven with evidence that you have. What do you do?
A) Lie and say took a 20 mile trip when you know you drove the truck to Las Vegas.
B) Accept the fact that you went over on miles and move on with conversation
C) Say you are a Preacher and that you didn't use those miles.
D) Say you are just going to call and get someone else.

5. You have brought back your truck late. The customer service rep has advised you there are late fees and has also proven this. What do you do?
A) Accept the fact and move on.
B) Lie and say you brought it back on the day before you even picked it up.
C) Admit it then ask us to cut the late fee in half.
D) Call us racist and demand a manager.

Answers and points.
1 A) 5
B) 1
C) 70
D) 0

2 A) 0
B) 5
C) 90
D) 15

3. A) 25
B) 0
C) -10
D) 60
* The reason that answer "D" has more of an idiot rating than "A"
on question 3 is simple. If you are dumb enough not to know better that we don't employ Superman that makes you less dumb than the person calling who knows we can't do anything but calls us anyway, also answer "C" actually takes away idiot points because taking the law into your own hands like a vigilante is always cool.*

4. A) 25
B) 0
C) 60
D) 45
*On question 4 the answer "C" is more idiotic because it is really freaking stupid to lie in the first place let alone drag God in on the lie.*

5. A) 0
B) 100
C) 40
D) 80

0-10 Congratulations, you have common sense and are able to wield it proudly. Good Job, Ever thought of working in customer service?

11-60 : I have to break it to you but you are an idiot, face the facts and move on at least God is more likely to have pity on you.

60+ : There are special places in hell for lame dipsh**ts like you, you probably can't do the following

Tie your shoes
Count to 7
Tell hot from cold
Spell your own name
Write your own name
Remember your own name
Read this sentence, for that matter how did you take this test?

"Yes sir I am handing out free coupons for a punch to the face."

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